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I guess that’s why I told my wife I loved her on our second date. But it wasn’t that she wasn’t giving me love, it just seemed to come at different times. I don’t think I noticed this consciously for a while. And after each time, there would be this look she would give me. It wasn’t something I could force, just something that would come about as a result of my giving. And how much I’m sure those messages are bouncing around in other people’s heads as well. Living Disney movies in our minds, and tragedies in our lives.

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Like most Hasidic Jews (we both became religious later in life), our dating period lasted a very short time. I mean, how you can feel that burning love when you’re sitting at the table discussing how to use the last twenty dollars in your bank account? How can you feel it when you think it makes perfect sense to put your socks on the floor after you’re done with them, and she has this crazy idea that they need to go in the laundry basket? And now, as I’m a bit older and a bit more experienced with this relationship, I’ve finally come to realize something.

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But when it comes to breakups, there’s another phrase that rings true: hindsight is 20/20. I’ve been taking myself on dates—going to dinner or lunch by myself, or taking myself to the movies alone.


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When I confide to friends that I’m having sex less often than the much-quoted average of “a couple of times a week,” my friends then typically admit the same. In his book , John Gray describes the different ways in which men and women reach arousal.